My darkest secret

I have got a confession to make and I know that this is not going to be easy on your ears and maybe some of you might take it hard to swallow (hmm I like that word) but yes. After years and years of keeping this dark secret in me I have decided that I’m no longer going to hide this anymore. Not going through another day without saying what I actually feel like and want.

Here it goes – the truth is I am a bi. YES a fucking bi. For all those dumb fucks out there who has no idea what a bi is….. please google it. Short way of saying this – I like both guys and girls and the former is really intense in me right now.

So here you go. I have said it and yes intense because I am in love with a guy. Deep, profound love that has overwhelming me for almost 2 years now. I had it in control, I thought I did as always…who would have known anyway but in the end I gave in to the temptation.

I first saw him when I joined this company, RM. Well it’s very hard for him to go unnoticed considering that he’s almost 6 ft tall. When I first saw him in his dark framed glasses, his ‘stick’ like figure, the way he walks and the aura that surrounded him…. I thought to myself who is guy. As days goes by we all went together for lunch, smoke, drinks and everything else I grew closer to him but it was an incident that happened during this time that made me to fall in love with him. It was one of those abusing periods after lunch where my other colleagues will be insinuating me because of my height. This one particular colleague of mine went overboard and it really hurt my heart so much – I’ll never forgive that yellow teeth bitch. It was aching inside of me but they went on and on but I kept myself from doing or saying anything. For me I don’t care how much I get hurt, as long as they have good fun even in the expense of me and my feelings. He knew or he realized the change on my face and when everyone else left to go back into the office, I stayed back to have another cigarette and he stayed on with me. We didn’t utter a single word but his presence there that time was good enough to make me feel better. Then suddenly he placed his hands on my shoulder and he told me not to worry about what they said about me.

Those consoling words were filled with love, encouragement and passion. I melted before it. He stared right into my eyes and told me no matter what my height is or whatever he still likes me. Wait…for a moment I was happy – I was thinking to myself if he meant it as he ‘likes me more than anyone else or a friend’ or he likes me just as a friend. I couldn’t afford to make a mistake – I just smiled back at him looking into his eyes and told him that he means a lot to me. That was when I first fell in love with him.

Days went by and the moments and times we shared together, my love for him only grew stronger and more intense. Of course I didn’t tell him this or to anyone else for that matter. I used to try and get glimpses of him whenever he’s with the rest of the gang, stand beside him whenever I could and that would really make me feel so good, try and get his scent whenever he passes by, walk with him to my car although my wife will be there as well and all the rest. Practically I was deeply in love with him.

At times I used to play with him; poke his sides, hold his hands or grab his you know where and he seems alright with it – like we both reciprocate but I’m still afraid of saying or confessing to him. Maybe he feels the same to me?

Well here you go then…. I still managed to turn behind and look his hanging on to the phone and talking to his clients before I submitted the post. My heart just grew fonder and misses him and we are just separated like less than a meter apart.

I love you Indran….

Sincerely Jar


P/S: CONTRIBUTORS ABUSED THE AUTHORIZATION GIVEN.THIS IS SHAMEFUL,CHARLES,STOP IT.=)).The confession was not from the original author,it was created by someone else who tried to destroy Jarr credibility - ahha